16 November 2008

incompliant/fill in/wrong way

So so so... Rough. Long day. Too much thought. Not enough... work. If I can call it work. If I knew what I was doing I'd call it work. I don't have a clue. If'n I get through this, I could do anything, yeah? That's what's said. I'm beginning to think that's a very horrible rationalization.

SO I've resorted to just... Not doing this anymore. Not now, not tonight. Sorry to disappoint, teachers who demand of me. I'm just not as smart as you. Or as smart as most of my classmates. Why stop there. I'm not smart. I'm just a product of a good education because I was lucky enough to be born in this country. There's a brilliant African kid. Smarter than me. Starving cuz he wasn't born in the right place. He deserves to be here, and I should be finding something great to do with my life, instead of spending it in this great institution for... What's this institution doing? Are we supposed to be learning life lessons, or something? Is this a giant test to prove to everyone else that I'm, like... tough or something? I. Don't. See. The. Logic.

All that's said about me is mostly true. I'm this... faux intellectual pretending I've got stuff figured out in this place that few read. I'm not that smart, says the SAT. I'm a failure, according to the school. I don't think, I don't hear, anyone saying much else, I suppose. I guess that's not bad. No one's calling me a scum bag or anything, that's a plus.

I guess there's a positive in every negative, or something.

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