Theory #3: It could be anything.
I can do anything I want. I could be anyone I want. You can't tell me what I am. [theory 3.1: Only I can declare myself insane] These hands I have can move mountains. I can do something great.
I just finished reading "Choke". It blew me away. It breathed life into me.
It burst bubbles.
Today, I felt like I was going insane. The insessant drum beat of water dropping down my gutter on a clear day. The loneliness. The anxiety. Admitting that I am a boring kid afraid to take risks. [theory 3.2: I really am a boring kid who is afraid to take risks.] Choke helped me realize that, sure... these things are true, but that's okay.
I'm going to build something. Build something amazing. Build something that's totally pointless and no one in the right mind would give a fuck about. [theory 3.3: Story of my life?] It's not going to bring down the skyrocketing price of oil. It's not going to feed the starving masses. It's not going to discourage people from being consumed by suburbia. [theory 3.4: Everyone is being consumed by suburbia.]
It is going to be me.
06 June 2008
05 June 2008
The consumation paradox
Theory 2- We are all consumers, and will be forever.
The day we stop consuming is the day we die. We'll continue to eat and breathe ourselves to our own deaths until then, if we're lucky.
The problem is, consuming is, by defintion, selfish. We're not breathing so a poor kid in africa will live the night. We're breathing because if we stop we'll die. And of course, death is always scary. [Theory 2.1- death is always scary]
So, of course I'm a hypocrite if I sneer at the faux person walking down the street with the gucci handbag and matching sunglasses. Of course I'm a hypocrite if I think all this consuming should end. [Theory 2.2- I'm a hypocrite]. So I think I stand more against excess than consumption.
Of course excess is a matter of relativity. Fat people eat a normal amount of food, in their eyes at least. [Theory 2.3- We're all relatively normal. everyone else is fucked up, right?] The rich don't spend much on the newest flatscreen HD TV. I'm excessive compared to a starving kid in Mexico. So what should we do?
I wish I knew.
The day we stop consuming is the day we die. We'll continue to eat and breathe ourselves to our own deaths until then, if we're lucky.
The problem is, consuming is, by defintion, selfish. We're not breathing so a poor kid in africa will live the night. We're breathing because if we stop we'll die. And of course, death is always scary. [Theory 2.1- death is always scary]
So, of course I'm a hypocrite if I sneer at the faux person walking down the street with the gucci handbag and matching sunglasses. Of course I'm a hypocrite if I think all this consuming should end. [Theory 2.2- I'm a hypocrite]. So I think I stand more against excess than consumption.
Of course excess is a matter of relativity. Fat people eat a normal amount of food, in their eyes at least. [Theory 2.3- We're all relatively normal. everyone else is fucked up, right?] The rich don't spend much on the newest flatscreen HD TV. I'm excessive compared to a starving kid in Mexico. So what should we do?
I wish I knew.
31 May 2008
The best people in the world are those who fail
Thesis 1- The best people in the world are those who fail.
At the very least, at least they tried. At least they got in over their heads and swept away. Even if getting swept away is, in itself, dejecting and depressing.
[thesis 1.1- people who are dejected and depressed are the best people in the world.]
To fail is to try to pass. To try to pass is to do attempt the impossible. To do the impossible is to be great.
So then, what of the successful? Well, then, simply, what they attempted was possible. It wasn't a lost cause in a sea of confusion and darkness.[thesis 1.2- the world's society and culture is a sea of confusion and darkness] It was something they accomplished, and they can look back on in life and say that at least they got that done.
Hitler could say that, at least he was a good painter.
But great are the people who can't paint. Great are the people who try to do things impossible for themselves alone.
Though, what if they succeed and do something great? And what then? Shouldn't we try to do things great yet possible so they can be done?
In my experience, great things are rarely possible. The world will never be free. Peace is an illusion. Humans never have pure intentions, through no fault of the individual, but through a design flaw.[thesis 1.3- We are all deeply, deeply flawed.]
So, why don't we try for freedom and peace? Even if we fail, and are sucked away and wallow in morning for our lost freedom and peace, at least we know to miss it.
[thesis 1.4- We don't know what we are missing.]
At the very least, at least they tried. At least they got in over their heads and swept away. Even if getting swept away is, in itself, dejecting and depressing.
[thesis 1.1- people who are dejected and depressed are the best people in the world.]
To fail is to try to pass. To try to pass is to do attempt the impossible. To do the impossible is to be great.
So then, what of the successful? Well, then, simply, what they attempted was possible. It wasn't a lost cause in a sea of confusion and darkness.[thesis 1.2- the world's society and culture is a sea of confusion and darkness] It was something they accomplished, and they can look back on in life and say that at least they got that done.
Hitler could say that, at least he was a good painter.
But great are the people who can't paint. Great are the people who try to do things impossible for themselves alone.
Though, what if they succeed and do something great? And what then? Shouldn't we try to do things great yet possible so they can be done?
In my experience, great things are rarely possible. The world will never be free. Peace is an illusion. Humans never have pure intentions, through no fault of the individual, but through a design flaw.[thesis 1.3- We are all deeply, deeply flawed.]
So, why don't we try for freedom and peace? Even if we fail, and are sucked away and wallow in morning for our lost freedom and peace, at least we know to miss it.
[thesis 1.4- We don't know what we are missing.]
21 May 2008
and when you are not
there is always.
God is an astronaut. He's trying to fly his way between starts to prevent the inevitable burn out and dispersal of all of the universe's mass. Prevent the explosion of black holes in a cold black sky of a world that fails to exist.
Someone called my name at work today. I looked about and there was no one there. It happened twice. Maybe there are too many Mikes in the world. Maybe my imagination is too stagnant at work.
The blue light is orange and I'm in the place with no darkness. This is 101 where I meet my demise.
God is an astronaut. He's trying to fly his way between starts to prevent the inevitable burn out and dispersal of all of the universe's mass. Prevent the explosion of black holes in a cold black sky of a world that fails to exist.
Someone called my name at work today. I looked about and there was no one there. It happened twice. Maybe there are too many Mikes in the world. Maybe my imagination is too stagnant at work.
The blue light is orange and I'm in the place with no darkness. This is 101 where I meet my demise.
20 May 2008
On empty
But captain, how can we make haste
if our tanks are on empty
and the crew is exhausted
and the seas toss us about.
How can we be?
if our tanks are on empty
and the crew is exhausted
and the seas toss us about.
How can we be?
Listing
Captain, captain, we've developed a list.
the seas have sloshed into our ship
and are dragging it under.
And now, we've got no lifeboats
the seas have sloshed into our ship
and are dragging it under.
And now, we've got no lifeboats
oh captain, captain
the seas are at our bow
I reckon we'd be lucky to last the night
fear capsizing
swooping into a trough and never coming back up
runnin' aground on a rocky shoal
the seas be full of hazards.
I reckon we'd be lucky to last the night
fear capsizing
swooping into a trough and never coming back up
runnin' aground on a rocky shoal
the seas be full of hazards.
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