The earth is not a cold, dead place.

Today, I felt like death. I wallowed in bed until, practically, 1 or 2. I was entirely, totally wiped out. Absolutely wrecked. I don't think I'm too sick anymore, besides the headache I got, probably from sleeping practically more than 12 hours.


This is what I've become. I'm a total mess.


I got laundry done. I started studying for a test on monday. Tomorrow I'm taking the week off from my normally early sunday wakeups and waking up later than normal, then staying around here and doing work. I've got a mountain to climb tomorrow. A mountain of something harder than stone and earth.

A mountain of academia.

That I've never been skilled at scaling. That I hardly even want to climb anymore. It's hard these days to be inspired to keep going.

But I feel that if I stop here, I'll perish.

Paradoxes of breath

If "Paradoxes" is the correct plural version of "paradox". I doubt it is. Can I ever be right about something like this? Haha. Almost like how right I can be about tests. Which isn't much.

Breathing sucks when you're sick. Right now, my sinuses are clogged, nose is stuffy, and it's just no fun. Had me thinking about the realities of breathing however many times per minute, per hour, per day, per lifetime. All the energy consumed by muscle as it expands and contracts. How much of that energy is lost due to inefficiency... For an evolved creature, we're so fucking inefficient. In physical ways, we can't do much about, but in general... We could make things so much better than they are, but... We don't care.

All we seem to care about is what we put above each other.

Greet Death

I went to a funeral today. An Irish lady, friend of the family I suppose you'd say. Never really recall meeting her. Had no family in America, but lived here for a long while. Sad reality.

What can you do, I suppose?

It's going to happen eventually. Something we all hate being reminded of, but... My thought.

If Kerry had won...

Would things really be different?

1) We wouldn't be in Iraq! Ehhhh, I shrug at this. This isn't a good thing to debate because, sadly, we'll never know if this is the truth or not. Yes, Kerry did run a campaign based on the mishandling of Iraq, though very poorly. At that time, I don't think we we're quite at the point where we knew, conclusively, that the WMDs were a lie. But I don't know. I will never say that we wouldn't be in Iraq if Kerry were president right now. Power is too intoxicating to say that he wouldn't ever change his tune when the military was screaming in his ear.

2) No PATRIOT ACT! Perhaps not, true. Though, it's my view that there'd still be rampant racial fear around in the country. We'd still be very sure to check the Arab's shoes. The government would still find a way to be intrusive. Again, it would look nice, but I don't feel like anything would be radically different.



I refuse to vote for either candidate because neither candidate offers a new way of thought. It's the same old story. The same old representative politics. Same old maneuvers. This country needs an socialist Barack Obama. This country needs a Martin Luther King for the rights of the poor. This country needs someone to stand at the stoop of wall street and get them to stop skimming the riches from the people.

No one's going to. But I want someone to.

Puzzles.

Puzzles are fun, in the fustrating challenge way. I sometimes try the crossword, but quickly give up and just do soduku and word search and stuff.

In reality, I try puzzles each day. We all try puzzles each day. Most of life is a puzzle in itself. We're all trying to make the pieces fit in just the right way so we get what we want with no effort. We all wish that dream girl would fall at our feet. That we'd get a 4.0 in every class. That we'd satisfy everyone who expects something from us. Life never works this way. We're given a box of pieces and told to make our lives out of it. We all puzzle over how to live the beautiful life.

I put it together the other day. Physically. If only I can do it spiritually and emotionally.







The first pic says "Solve the puzzle in the world"... Marker bled a lot it seems, sorry.

IWW = Idustrial Workers of the World. Look it up perhaps if you don't know.

If I were you, I'd hate me

Yeah, I would.

I didn't hold the door for you.

Yeah, I threw away most of my food while people starve, because I can't eat that shit anymore.

I'm quiet. Yeah. News. It's probably the most valid reason to hate me.

Yeah, I say stupid things a lot.

And I'm the only one who laughs. I'm pretty damn selfish.

You should hate me.

will not sing in your damned parade.

What's been on my mind?

The month or so it's been since my last thought... Has been a time of putting thought into practice, in a way. Putting in an attempt to overbalance hatred with love, chaos with peace, work with boredom.

The struggle has been, for me, balancing my dislike and contempt for authority with love. The idea of loving your enemies is a hard one to balance. Where is the line between loving the person and being supportive of authority? Where is the line that divides between a good person and being a boss?

This troubles me. I cannot support them, of course. I can't wish them luck in busting down doors and going through everyone's stuff. But I can't hate them. I've know what I have to do, but this practice isn't easy.

Hopefully this becomes more regular, posting on here. It may not, I'm a little busy. I'll try.