Horses in the Sky

So. I was laying in bed just before and I got to thinking about what I was doing with my life. I suppose I could be doing better, but I am happy with myself and where I am right now. I just wish I was doing better. I suppose it's time to seriously crack down and study my ass off. I really have to destroy my physics final, that's my main goal. Getting a B in that class would be a huge accomplishment. A lot of work to do, so I am set for doing it all at the highest level I can. It's my vow. I haven't done it much before, but damn I've got to start.

Subterantian Homesick Blues

I am sorry for this string of insubstantial posts. My mind is sort of like toast. And I prefer english muffins. I'm kind of exhausted for some reason. I've been sleeping okay. And it's only tuesday night. Funfunfun. workworkwork. sleep a little. Rinse. Repeat. Subtract fun to the third power. square work cubed.

My Iron Lung

So things are getting rocky here in school. It's annoying, it's a lot, and it's getting just tiring and I don't feel like doing it anymore. Please get me out of here?

Engine Broke

Um, so I am sorry about the little hiatus. I suppose I should say to not expect much out of this for the next month or so. I am up to my neck in work. And yet, I am having trouble focusing. It's all fustrating. I mean, I know I'll get it done, but... I just don't have the will. I know I have to do it and make sure it's good, and it will be good, but I just hate sitting down and regurgitating information from the internet for hours on end.

I went to the zoo today with my family. I actually enjoyed it a bit. My brother was being really funny, as normal, and my parents didn't bug me much. The zoo was crowded, but other than that it was alright.

Which starts me off on Earth Day. Now, environmentalists can be a bit nutty at times. But sometimes they are nutty and right. I think they have good intentions in what they do, so I can't talk bad about them that much. Although, I do have to ask what exactly Bloomberg is trying to accomplish with this driving toll... I don't think it will solve much of anything. People drive because they need to. Charging them an extra 8 dollars on top of the bridge tolls they are already paying is insane. I'd also hate to be the businesses in that area. I don't know. It just seems like a dumb idea. I'm glad he's thinking though. The rest of his proposals were all positive. It's good to see Arnold take it seriously as well. I hope positive environmental changes are just around the corner.

The National Anthem

So I don't think I need to tell anyone what today is. The irony of that statement is that I can be refering to one of three thingsl: The birth of the person responsible for the most death in history, the aniversary of Columbine, or 4/20, as in the day where everyone has the sudden, uncontrolable urge to smoke marijuana. If people based thier answer off the first thing that popped into thier heads, #3 would be the most popular choice. I congratulate all of you out there who picked one of the first two. ("All of you out there" is providing that more than one or two people read this thing, mind you)

Why I choose to refuse to use drugs is a complicated question to answer. There is no way for me to answer it without upsetting people who use drugs. It's not my intention to insult anyone, or make anyone feel bad, but these are my oppinions.

Generally, I like to think of myself as someone who is going to maybe accomplish something someday. I believe in a lot of causes. I'd like to think, hypothetically, that I could possibly influence the way the world thinks. There's a lot in the world, in my opinion, that needs changing. Everyone can relate to this, I think. Many people are generally dissatisfied with the way our culture and our government treat us. I think that if I were to start on that path, that there would be no turning back. That I would sort of lose faith in everything. That I would become like everyone in here who spends his lonely day in his room smoking instead of thinking.

But you know, sometimes I wish I could be apathetic. I wish I could stop caring about the world around me. I wish my problems can be solved by buying something. But I think things are deeper then that. Atleast, I hope so.

Tres Tres Retro

Today was over before it started. School ended up being okay. I think my math test went alright. physics too. I am on the downhill from here on out, sort of. I've got to do some crap for psych this weekend... this weekend being all too short. It's sort of good to get it out of the way though. Hopefully I can sit down and bang out a few more pages tomorrow. It would make my life easier indeed.

I really don't have much insight to offer this night. Other than things never seem to change much. The media still hawks over every story and picks away at it until even the bones are gone. People still do the same things they did yesterday. I suppose, though, that I can't complain. I can't say I did anything life changing or ground breaking today. I mean, huddling in my room isn't new. Anyways... I'm tired. I got like 4 hours of sleep last night. Tonight hopefully I catch up.

She dreamt she was a bulldozer...

Today wasn't horrible. I slept in and am, thus, feeling better because of it. Unfortunately it leaves me with no choice but to stay up late tonight studying for a physics quiz and math test tomorrow. That's okay though. I'll be alright. I've a lot of work ahead of me though. I have to do a few more pages of a pysch paper before next week, and a program to complete sometime soon, hopefully. There's a lot on my plate.

I wanted to talk a little bit (and my song is in reference to this) about my views on self-image. We often hear about particularly young women who have eating disorders because they always see themselves as fat, but the problem, I believe, is generally larger then that. I think a lot of people struggle to make themselves into something they view as desireable or positive. In this process, though, they often ignore thier innermost thoughts and feelings. In general, it crushes thier individualistic spirit and they, instead, turn into what they think society wants her or him to be. Some kids choose to go out of thier way to fit into other social groups, and that's fine, but when they realize that they don't quite have the concrete friends they thought they did, they feel betrayed. And sometimes, this view can become downright descructive towards themseleves. People sometimes throw thier own personal happiness to the wind in order to mold themselves into what they think society (society being anything from a social group to a parent or to the opposite sex) wants them to be. I find this abhorent. I wish that people would realize that happiness must be found within themselves, that people should listen to thier hearts and ignore what they think other people want them to be, and instead be themselves.

Catastrophy and the Cure

So obviously today's big news story is that some graduate student at virgina tech decided to shoot something like 32 people beforing ending his own life, in what was the single largest shooting spree in American history outside of a war setting. I don't really know what to say about it. It's certainly a horrific thought that 32 of my peers were shot for no apparent reason other than one man's pain and loathing. I also feel bad for the shooter. Maybe if we all decided to show a little more love to other people something like this can be adverted. I am definetly not saying this was anyway justified, but I do feel that these types of shootings are, to a certain extent, preventable. I suppose once we learn the hows and whys things will become clearer.

Part of me is also happier to be alive. I suppose it does sort of show that life isn't something to be taken for granted, and that, no matter how my next test turns out, I will still be alive.

I woke up this morning with a bit of a fever and totally out of energy. Hopefully a good nights sleep tonight helps me feel better on the morrow.

Apparently my house's basement has a bit of water seeping into the basement from all the rain in the past day or two. Certainly harsh weather we had there. Hopefully things will get warmer soon and not as cold and damp. I feel like I'm living in Ireland with all this rain and cold.

Go To Sleep (lil man being erased)

so yeah. 3am and I am awake because of tree sex clogging my nose and making it run. I am dead tired and feeling wonderful...

So what have I been thinking about, you ask? Well, you see, I was thinking [as usual] about how unbalanced the world is. I try to do nice things for people when I can. Sometimes, I even go out of my way if I am asked. I like to think I'm a reasonable guy. I don't go out of my way to intentionally hurt anyone. But I've been wondering, if I am a nice guy, then how come I'm not more liked? I mean, I do understand I'm a bit odd in my musical tastes and general attitude toward life, but... I don't know. I thought I'd share.

back to sneezing.

Creep

So this weekend... yeah. weekend. Allergies started killing me today. The fact that I have no real tissues, only napkins, doesn't make my nose feel any better. Couple that with a rather sour mood that seemed to come with the rain doesn't help.

The fact that the "title" of my blogs are songs are no coincidence. I've got no other use for the title, so I might as well try to get across my mood. I'll try to make it more plesant from time to time.

I disappear

Yeah. Sorry to disappoint my many (>.>) readers out there. I suppose I just kind of got disheartened a little bit. Some things this week were okay, other things are just really starting to wear on me. Such as my inate ability to be awkward in most all social situations. And my struggles to maintain a decent grade. I need another break. Alas, no rest for me. Onward, to elevators that still smell of consumerism. Onward, to the front of the building where we can argue over taxies. Onward to forget that we forgot. I'm going to bed. I get to go to the world trade center tomorrow to look at the new stuff they are building. Ungodly early for a friday morning. I'll probably end up with 4 hours of sleep. I wish I could make it all go away.

I guess today was sort of....

Unfulfiling I suppose? I don't know. I didn't really solve any of my problems. Things just kind of compounded and it just became fustrating. I felt like I had one million words to say, yet I couldn't say them. "The tactics were never hatched, the plans were never mapped, and we all learned not to believe." It put me in a sort of disagreeable mood. I suppose when things start fustrating me I start venting on what I percieve to be wrong about our culture. Maybe hopefully one day I'll inspire someone to fight for something they believe in, instead of just sitting and waiting and hoping. Maybemyself one day. Imagine the view.

Today was rescued by my new cell phone, which sort of brings me back into contact with people. I ended up getting some food, engauging in a debate about the positive aspects of easter/passover, playing mario kart, and finding out who cared enough to listen to my aural crapping. So, I guess I sort of found out who has my back, and who just wants my serrogate attention but hit the abandon button when someone (alledgedly) more important comes along. tomorrow is saturday, and things seem to be ok. sunday is a nice day with my family. monday is going to be put aside for some work and travel to school. tuesday probably the same.

blehhh

Oi. I've been tired lately. A test and a quiz in the last two days before my vacation. Forever a good time. Today felt empty. I am going to bed.

So many things.

"You must know so many things" my calculus teacher likes to say. So many things have been on my mind recently, and most of them have been bugging me. The weekend wasn't too bad overall, the 4 days upcoming have some minor annoyances, but... I look forward to 4 days off and some time to collect myself.