incompliant/fill in/wrong way

So so so... Rough. Long day. Too much thought. Not enough... work. If I can call it work. If I knew what I was doing I'd call it work. I don't have a clue. If'n I get through this, I could do anything, yeah? That's what's said. I'm beginning to think that's a very horrible rationalization.

SO I've resorted to just... Not doing this anymore. Not now, not tonight. Sorry to disappoint, teachers who demand of me. I'm just not as smart as you. Or as smart as most of my classmates. Why stop there. I'm not smart. I'm just a product of a good education because I was lucky enough to be born in this country. There's a brilliant African kid. Smarter than me. Starving cuz he wasn't born in the right place. He deserves to be here, and I should be finding something great to do with my life, instead of spending it in this great institution for... What's this institution doing? Are we supposed to be learning life lessons, or something? Is this a giant test to prove to everyone else that I'm, like... tough or something? I. Don't. See. The. Logic.

All that's said about me is mostly true. I'm this... faux intellectual pretending I've got stuff figured out in this place that few read. I'm not that smart, says the SAT. I'm a failure, according to the school. I don't think, I don't hear, anyone saying much else, I suppose. I guess that's not bad. No one's calling me a scum bag or anything, that's a plus.

I guess there's a positive in every negative, or something.

happiness/attics/recycled

Am I there yet? Am I there yet? Am I there yet?

There's a reset button somewhere. So I can be not so lethargic and uninspired. A way to find some sort of meaning. A way to be destroyed and broken down in order to be something useful.

Just a happiness addict, jonesin' for the next source of happiness I can suck dry for my vane self interest.

Longdays/undoing/taunt

Going home is a bad idea. I never get school work done at home. Never. I can't. I came back to school, but by the time I got here, it wasn't really a great time to start doing work. So I'm canning it all for tomorrow. Er, the whole week, it seems. It'll take a while to do it all. It'll take forever.

I don't have forever to feel alive. I have until this next second to be happy. Otherwise, I'm just sitting here being emo. I don't have time for that. I could get hit by a bus in the morning. I could fail to wake up. So I'm not going to go to bed worried about school. I have better things to worry about.

Like regrets.
Like being mortal.

Part of me wishes I could just rake leaves all day.

Is it edible/will it kill me/amifree

Play and read?


3rd year of eating crappy food. In procrastination for a test tomorrow in which I have no idea what I'm going to be tested on, I researched the company that provides food for our school cafeterias. It serves food in prisions and military bases, though it wont tell you the first one on it's website. No one is proud of feeding the perceived lower class, but they'll do it anyway because they probably send dump trucks of money your way. It's a multinational corporation. The fucking Walmart of food services. I've come to the conclusion that almost none of it is nutritious in any way. Nothing good is coming to us out of it. Just dump trucks of money heading to an executive somewhere.

Obama won. We're still here. We're not saved. I dunno. I don't feel more free. Maybe I'm a pessimist. I don't see the light at the end of this tunnel.