un

I could cry for this youth that I've lost.
For the extra pounds that I've gained.

For the opportunities that have past me by.
For the anxiety that's kept me still.

For the people I wish I treated better.
For the friends I could have made.

For this problem that I will never solve.
For all I have to live with.

Perge in place

Sometimes I feel like I'm going nowhere. Sort of that "no way is up" - "no way to win" situations, you know? I can't make a decision, at this stage of my life, that does not hurt someone else. That's an absolute truth. I cannot make everyone happy. I can't even make myself happy. I don't even know how to make myself happy. I've never found anything that made me happy.

Everything I've ever believed in has gone away or proven itself to be a lie or something. I've done a lot I am not proud of. I don't think I'm anything special. I wish I didn't know everything I know.

I don't see the point of me.

What would you do if you saw spaceships over Glasgow?

What is all this for?

Life, all this shit you know. Why do miners have to put up with terrible working conditions? Why do soldiers have to go to war?

Does this cycle benefit us?

What am I going to do with myself?

Distant

Feel cut off.

Desert island.

Everyone on ships wave as they pass.

Stomach hurts because I ate too much.. I've become a glutton. No self control. Do whatever feels good with no tomorrow. Bad.

I guess I was never right before.

But I feel stuck in reverse.

Goods and services

Selling now, all time lows. buy buy. turn of the century is ancient history, stupid people doing stupid things, yadayada. People will look back at me and call me a fool. Probably am fool.

It's 0130, olympics on mute. Empty-ish sink, though the battle of vegetable drain is not won. Many casualties along the way. General Sanity shot by sniper.

Coffee is the newest fad. Sushi is so last week.

I've got too many recyclables piled up.

I don't know what else I can say. That would change anything. Nothing I'd like to remember.

Not arisen yet.

Missed something

I think I've missed things over the years. Chances to make friends. Signs that I should change my life.

Missed the part where I was supposed to figure stuff out.

Missing a lot of what I'm supposed to be doing right now.

I've got no clue.

Show me the way to go home

I'm tired and I wanna go to bed.
I had a little drink 'bout an hour ago and it's gone right to my head.



I.
Don't.
Have.
Anything.
Else.
To.
Say.

Which way is up?

Something I wanted to remember

"The only difference between here and China is that here you speak and it doesn't matter. Over there you just don't say anything. It's the same result in the end" -Brian M.

Columbia

Big words and big ideas
soundin sane on the subway
We are just fascinating

One day we'll dress up,
we who are how we look,
and forget it all
cuz it's damn fascinating

Beginning of the End

I'm sort of melancholy recently. This is the end of sorts. No longer a kid. On my own.

Except not really on my own. People still expect things of me. Wife, kids, good job, all that. But I don't really desire these things. I hardly know what I want. I think I know what I don't want, which is a start. Sidetracked, right.

So it's my last semester of my last year of college. I've not done much I dreamed of. I did a lot I'm not proud of. I can't help but feeling like I failed. Like I didn't accomplish anything here. No revolution or anything, you know? Not even the start. I've not come out of my shell. I'm probably not such a great friend, etc.
(I'm starting to feel glad no one reads this much)

So, what now? I've done what was asked, what do I do now?

I guess I have to start looking.