(So posting a body is nice. enter should take you down here. oh well)
I read part of "Anthem" by Ayn Rand the other day. She's known for her belief in objectivism, which is totally free business operation and ownership. I didn't like it and stopped a bit into it because I figured out what she was doing, which was knocking collectivism by associating it with fascism, which just isn't true, and I couldn't stand it.
Why is objectivism evil in my eyes? Well, because I'm the object being used right now. Working alone, for less money at the end of the week, to profit my bigger brother, who spits upon my best interest. Who will crush me if I dare speak. What sort of freedom, what sort of happiness is that?
And maybe absolute collectivism isn't best. Communism doesn't work. But at the same time, there's got to be a more fair way of doing things.
I'm just tired of it. The grind. The race.
Trying to scurry up the maze.
I'm just going to try to enjoy where I am.
08 July 2008
06 July 2008
Personal observations from playing with fire
It seems to always happen, in a way. After I swear it off forever. After I say that it's all a silly idea. All a silly mess. Very much hopeless.
(I pause, laugh at memories of the video where george bush stumbles through a "fool me once" metaphor)
But I let it happen again. I let myself hear their songs. I took those famous three words seriously.
But now it's just your disaster set to my music on some awkward morning.
And hopefully I've finally figured out how to use a fire extinguisher.
(I pause, laugh at memories of the video where george bush stumbles through a "fool me once" metaphor)
But I let it happen again. I let myself hear their songs. I took those famous three words seriously.
But now it's just your disaster set to my music on some awkward morning.
And hopefully I've finally figured out how to use a fire extinguisher.
03 July 2008
Lullabye
This blog has changed ideas a bit. So, in the interest of changing more, here's a bit of the novel "Lullabye" by Palahniuk that I enjoyed-
"What I'm talking about is free will. Do we have it, or does God dictate and script everything we do and say and want? Do we have free will, or do the mass media and our culture control us, our desires and actions, from the moment we're born? Do I have it, or is my mind under the control of Helen's spell?"
"What I'm talking about is free will. Do we have it, or does God dictate and script everything we do and say and want? Do we have free will, or do the mass media and our culture control us, our desires and actions, from the moment we're born? Do I have it, or is my mind under the control of Helen's spell?"
22 June 2008
11 June 2008
Appeasement is an atrocity
Theory #4: Appeasement is an atrocity.
This person comes into my work today. He asks for a chocolate cone with chocolate sprinkles. My boss gives him one. But he looks shocked and says "Oh, I wanted vanilla". Oh.
My manager appeases him. Throws the perfectly good cone away, gets him a new one. Afterwards, he laments about how much he dislikes his job sometimes. You see, appeasement isn't fun.
Yet, we're all obligated. An endless cycle of appeasement exists in the world. But what we feel isn't always real. [theory 4.1- What we feel isn't always real.] What we feel towards obligation is what we perceive. If my manager would have loved to tell the guy to just fuck off. He should have told the guy to fuck off. But we're obligated by these stupid societal expectations.
That we walk in line. That we appease those who are in a better position than us. [theory 4.2- You don't know where you are until your at the bottom, serving everyone.] [theory 4.3- no one knows where they are.]
That we don't ask questions. That we accept things the way they are. That those who are unfortunate have to make those higher on the totem happy. But this shouldn't be the case. Happiness isn't for the rich. For the bosses. For the CEOs and corporate big wigs. For oil traders.
For all.
Support the strikers.
This person comes into my work today. He asks for a chocolate cone with chocolate sprinkles. My boss gives him one. But he looks shocked and says "Oh, I wanted vanilla". Oh.
My manager appeases him. Throws the perfectly good cone away, gets him a new one. Afterwards, he laments about how much he dislikes his job sometimes. You see, appeasement isn't fun.
Yet, we're all obligated. An endless cycle of appeasement exists in the world. But what we feel isn't always real. [theory 4.1- What we feel isn't always real.] What we feel towards obligation is what we perceive. If my manager would have loved to tell the guy to just fuck off. He should have told the guy to fuck off. But we're obligated by these stupid societal expectations.
That we walk in line. That we appease those who are in a better position than us. [theory 4.2- You don't know where you are until your at the bottom, serving everyone.] [theory 4.3- no one knows where they are.]
That we don't ask questions. That we accept things the way they are. That those who are unfortunate have to make those higher on the totem happy. But this shouldn't be the case. Happiness isn't for the rich. For the bosses. For the CEOs and corporate big wigs. For oil traders.
For all.
Support the strikers.
09 June 2008
There is a light.
I'm in a funk.
Not a bad funk. Not totally bad. Somewhat weird.
Normal distractions do nothing for me anymore. No more silly online games to occupy my time. Forums have lost their luster. I don't want to do these things anymore, simply.
Yet, I'm still me. I'm still as anti-social as ever. Still as shut in as ever.
But, I feel like myself.
I am. I exist. I'm not happy, but that's okay. Good even. If I were happy, I wouldn't want to change things. But change is good. Change is nessesary. Things are going to shit, in general, and in some ways, in my life, but that's okay. They're going to be changed until I am happy. And if I never find happiness, maybe there's a satisfaction in attempting to change things. I think I mentioned that.
It's how I feel. It's how I am. I'm not compromising anymore. This is me. I'm not going to shy away from it.
Not a bad funk. Not totally bad. Somewhat weird.
Normal distractions do nothing for me anymore. No more silly online games to occupy my time. Forums have lost their luster. I don't want to do these things anymore, simply.
Yet, I'm still me. I'm still as anti-social as ever. Still as shut in as ever.
But, I feel like myself.
I am. I exist. I'm not happy, but that's okay. Good even. If I were happy, I wouldn't want to change things. But change is good. Change is nessesary. Things are going to shit, in general, and in some ways, in my life, but that's okay. They're going to be changed until I am happy. And if I never find happiness, maybe there's a satisfaction in attempting to change things. I think I mentioned that.
It's how I feel. It's how I am. I'm not compromising anymore. This is me. I'm not going to shy away from it.
06 June 2008
It could be anything
Theory #3: It could be anything.
I can do anything I want. I could be anyone I want. You can't tell me what I am. [theory 3.1: Only I can declare myself insane] These hands I have can move mountains. I can do something great.
I just finished reading "Choke". It blew me away. It breathed life into me.
It burst bubbles.
Today, I felt like I was going insane. The insessant drum beat of water dropping down my gutter on a clear day. The loneliness. The anxiety. Admitting that I am a boring kid afraid to take risks. [theory 3.2: I really am a boring kid who is afraid to take risks.] Choke helped me realize that, sure... these things are true, but that's okay.
I'm going to build something. Build something amazing. Build something that's totally pointless and no one in the right mind would give a fuck about. [theory 3.3: Story of my life?] It's not going to bring down the skyrocketing price of oil. It's not going to feed the starving masses. It's not going to discourage people from being consumed by suburbia. [theory 3.4: Everyone is being consumed by suburbia.]
It is going to be me.
I can do anything I want. I could be anyone I want. You can't tell me what I am. [theory 3.1: Only I can declare myself insane] These hands I have can move mountains. I can do something great.
I just finished reading "Choke". It blew me away. It breathed life into me.
It burst bubbles.
Today, I felt like I was going insane. The insessant drum beat of water dropping down my gutter on a clear day. The loneliness. The anxiety. Admitting that I am a boring kid afraid to take risks. [theory 3.2: I really am a boring kid who is afraid to take risks.] Choke helped me realize that, sure... these things are true, but that's okay.
I'm going to build something. Build something amazing. Build something that's totally pointless and no one in the right mind would give a fuck about. [theory 3.3: Story of my life?] It's not going to bring down the skyrocketing price of oil. It's not going to feed the starving masses. It's not going to discourage people from being consumed by suburbia. [theory 3.4: Everyone is being consumed by suburbia.]
It is going to be me.
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